


Pair Instability

by NeoVenus22



Category: Stargate Atlantis, Stargate SG-1
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-21
Updated: 2010-02-21
Packaged: 2017-10-07 10:54:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/64464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeoVenus22/pseuds/NeoVenus22
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>She wasn't.  She wasn't holding up all right.  She wasn't okay.  She wasn't going to be okay, not any time soon.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Pair Instability

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Lonely Planet](https://archiveofourown.org/works/59223) by [NeoVenus22](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NeoVenus22/pseuds/NeoVenus22). 



> Challenge: Fic tag meme: "Lonely Planet - 1 year prior".

"I think I see someone I need to talk to," Daniel said suddenly, kissing Sam's cheek and releasing her hand. She blinked at him in confusion; he nodded at something over her shoulder. In a moment, Daniel had retreated and John had taken his place.

"Colonel," he said, softly, respectfully.

"John," she murmured. She refused to let rank divide them today.

"Sorry." John attempted a weak smile. "Sam. Are you-" He didn't even manage to get the rest of the question out before she pressed herself to his chest. She knew it was a moment of weakness, knew people were watching, people under her command who shouldn't be seeing her cry, but she was hard-pressed to care.

She wasn't. However he'd meant to finish his inquiry, she wasn't. She wasn't holding up all right. She wasn't okay. She wasn't going to be okay, not any time soon. John stroked her back and she waited for the tears to pass.

"Maybe we should go somewhere else," he said when she lifted her head. Sam bit her lip, afraid to talk. She thought about all the times she'd refused to cry in front of Jack, tried to draw from that well of inner strength, and followed him numbly away from the grave.

John stopped them just out of earshot from the ceremony; keeping everyone in sight in case they needed to go back for whatever reason. Sam was just counting the steps that remained between her and her car, between her and getting out of there. She was too anxious and restless to sit. John, on the other hand, appeared burnt out, and looked as though he'd drop himself on the back of a tombstone if it kept him from falling over. He was the only Pegasus galaxy representative who'd come, but she wasn't surprised.

"So." John nodded his head in the direction of the mass of mourners. "She's getting big."

"Yeah," said Sam softly, immeasurably grateful for the distraction, although as topics went, this wasn't much better. She followed John's eyes to Vala, in a plain black dress pulled taut over a rounding belly. Vala clutched Teal'c's hand and seemed muted in a conversation with Daniel. She didn't look in their direction. She'd said all of two words to Sam since she and Teal'c had come in from Chulak.

"How's Teal'c?" inquired John politely.

"Downright giddy, for Teal'c. Today notwithstanding," she amended.

"Do they know if it's a boy or a girl?"

"Teal'c refuses to find out."

"Some kind of Jaffa thing?"

"Yeah."

John didn't say anything else. Frankly, Sam was surprised he was willing to talk about Vala at all. Not that the conversation had been particularly scintillating or revealing.

"I keep thinking about the last SG-1 funeral," she said, quite against her will. John looked at her with interest. "It was Daniel. We'd lost him off-world. We didn't have a body, but we had a ceremony. It turns out... He wasn't actually..."

John shook his head fiercely. "Don't."

"John..."

"Don't. You can't think that."

"John, the casket's empty."

John turned to her sharply. It was privileged information that only she, Daniel, the general, and SG-11 knew. But there were some secrets worth keeping, and she wasn't sure this was one of them.

"It doesn't matter," John said finally. "You have to deal with it and move on. They'll find him, and then it won't matter. Do you really want to get your hopes up for that?"

She wondered which of them he was truly speaking for.

Daniel trudged over on the sodden grass, keeping a respectful distance. He nodded at John. "Colonel Sheppard."

"Jackson," John returned, and Sam felt another involuntary stab. He had the same mannerisms sometimes, somewhat accidentally, gleaned from too many nights together to count. It hurt in a way it shouldn't have.

"Sam, they're ready for you."

She was so tired of giving eulogies. "Thanks."

"Do you need anything..?"

She shook her head, forced a polite smile that she knew Daniel saw right through. "It's okay. Thanks anyway."

Daniel eyed her another moment yet. "Okay," he said, and headed back for the ceremony.

"You don't have to do this," John reminded her.

"I volunteered."

John didn't answer. It was probably just as well, she didn't have anything left to say, either.

They walked back to the grave.


End file.
